Parenting, pt. 3

OK, so Christmas got the better of me. That, and filling out applications and financial aid applications for Ph.D. programs. Essays, essays, essays . . . and all about what I want to do with my life, when I have so little idea of what that is! Ah, well. I'm thankful God's got that covered. It's pretty intimidating for me to consider.

And now, on to the second part of what I've learned about parenting. The first was learning to watch my kids, to get to know them. The second is Contemplate, which is basically the acronym-appropriate way to say that you set yourself to think deliberately and strategically about them.

As I get to know my kids, I start to notice their strengths and weaknesses, and I learn more and more about the stage of development each is at. So the next thing I have to do is consider what I know about them and set it next to what I know about life, my own experiences, those of my husband, the stages of development my kids are in and those they're moving into, and consider what challenges, victories, learning opportunities, and general growing up my kids will experience now and in the future.

For example, my daughter is a perfectionist. So one of my goals for her is to help her not fear failure, that she will learn to have the courage to try new things, even if she's not good at them yet, and not give up just because she doesn't succeed the first try. My son, on the other hand, sees failure as a personal challenge, an affront to him because he didn't win. So my challenge is to help him understand that just because it's there doesn't mean he has to win over it right now. Sometimes it's better to wait until you're properly equipped to handle the situation--like a 7-month-old trying to climb the stairs by himself. Not safe. Failing just made him want it more!

Those are long-term goals. Short-terms goals are important, too. My daughter lives in her own world, a very imaginative world. She gets it from me, so I really understand how important it is for her to get out and do physically active things, to learn active games like basketball, soccer, etc., just to learn the skills of teamwork, competition, etc. My son, on the other hand, lives very much in this physical world, so I'm trying to gradually teach him that it's OK to have quiet time and that playing by yourself for a few minutes is a good skill for you and those around you! He's 25 lbs, and wants nothing more than constant attention, games, and being held around the house. We're working on expanding his repertoire of skills. These kind of short-terms goals are things you can work on as part of a game with your kids: teaching them to catch (hand-eye coordination) or jump (balance), to sing or to take turns playing.

The key is to look at your kids now and to look ahead for them and help prepare them for the future. My goal is to grow healthy, responsible adults. My prayer is that they love Jesus, too. That's a continual bit of teaching and role-modeling, and the most demanding and intimidating. It's a whole new world of thinking to figure out how to talk about Christmas and Easter to a very sensitive 2-yr-old, to role-play Bible stories and remember children's songs about the Bible and set about to deliberately, strategically instill that in my kids. It's hard, because I want it to be real, to be honest, and to be God-led, not me-led. And that's the toughest part about parenting. It's more and more about God doing his thing through me, teaching me the skills and the way to think, but letting his strength, his love, and his kingdom life be what drives and forms my parenting and my life.